Worst Boyfriends Ever
by Uncle Charlie
Summary: They were, without a doubt, all that and much more. Written for Elmey for the 2018 Valentine's Day Challenge. Warning: mild slash


The secretary looked over the top of her glasses at the pair of men sitting on the couch. Miss Noreen had the reputation of being cool, calm and efficient. She knew her job and she knew her place. That made her a perfect fit as Mr. Waverly's secretary.

Mr. Waverly was sweet talking the Innocent and it was obvious that Agent Solo didn't like it at all. His expression was one of annoyance and possibly even disgust. It was as if he couldn't understand what a woman would see in Mr. Waverly.

She knew all too well what women saw in the elderly man, a father figure, a man in power and controlling a vast army of people. When push came to shove, love was often nothing more than a quest for power. Control the man and you controlled the power. Agent Solo just didn't have enough power to suit the Innocent.

On the other hand, there was no question that Agent Kuryakin was not having any of it. He glared at his partner with a slightly hurt expression. It was as if he could not fathom for a moment why Solo was interested in that woman. Of course, there were the rumors to consider. It was whispered in nearly every corridors, in secluded corners and over drinks. Even though Solo had a reputation that rivaled that of Casanova's, there was only one person who had his heart. And there was only one person who could penetrate the protective coating with which Kuryakin surrounded himself.

Miss Noreen looked back down at her paper a split second before Kuryakin shot her a _mind your own business_ look, secretly amused that he hadn't caught her. She couldn't see what the other women saw in him. Certainly, he was exotic, but so were many other men, men who knew how to treat women right. Kuryakin's bantam rooster act didn't fool her. He was just a scared little boy who got through everything by being obnoxious. This one didn't have a clue what it took to be a proper and caring boyfriend.

If they were a couple, they deserved each other. Their one-upmanship made them aggressive and unpleasant. Even when Solo smiled at her, she felt as if he was best trying to use her as a stepping stone to another goal, another notch in his bedpost, as it were. He wasn't much in the way of boyfriend material either. She'd seen the other women he dated coming in the next morning, raging because he stood them up or abandoned them or worse, took advantage of them, then forgot their name.

 _I hope they are a couple,_ she thought as she scanned her carefully written notes. _They deserve each other. Worst boyfriends ever._ "Will that be all, sir?"

The perfume's scent was enticing and transported him back to a moment long ago. A warm afternoon, an abandoned farm house, bread, wine, and the glories of being in someone's arms. Mr. Waverly smiled as the young woman took his arm and began to walk with him.

Of course, he wasn't kidding himself. Even if he was twenty years younger, he's still be older enough to be her father. Still, there was a thrill to have a young girl, soft and beguiling on his arm. He could see the look of annoyance and disappointment on the face of his senior agents.

 _Poor Solo. He's probably wondering what she could possibly see in me. At least she has nothing to fear from me. He'll just have to find another._

Kuryakin, he wasn't so sure about. The Russian seemed more disturbed by Solo's reaction than the woman preferring him to a younger man. Kuryakin rolled his eyes at Solo's sigh and pushed back into the cushion of the couch.

Waverly escorted the woman to the door.

"Will that be all, sir?" He heard Miss Noreen ask. The secretary looked as if she was ready to dry up and blow away.

"Yes, of course." He didn't mean to sound distracted, but that day just outside of Paris beckoned him. He'd been so desperately young and in love. His commanding officer had advised against him becoming involved with a mere nurse, but involved he became and a few years later, they married. Alexander knew from the very first there was nothing mere about her.

 _Perhaps one day, you will know the love of a good woman,_ he thought as he glanced back at his two agents. They would have to change a lot. Solo needed to stop catting about and Kuryakin, well, he probably needed to start. No doubt about it, they were the worse boyfriends a woman could have.

Illya watched the trio leave the room. "What do women see in him?"

"Safety, security, power." Napoleon sat back against the cushions. "Do you think they bought it?"

"I bought it and I know where you're sleeping tonight."

That brought a grin to Napoleon's face. "Glad to hear that."

"Do you ever get tired of playing the game?"

"Not when I know what the prize at the end of it is." Napoleon picked up Kuryakin's hand and squeezed it. "You are worth a dozen encore performances. And as we are both dateless on this Valentine's Day, may I suggest perhaps dinner, a few drinks, and an early evening."

And that made Illya grin, one that came from the tip of his toes and radiated upward. "You know what you are?" Illya surged forward for a fast kiss.

"No, what?"

"The best boyfriend ever."

"Not boyfriend." Napoleon winked. "Partners."


End file.
